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Blessing 99 – Wisdom in a horoscope – who’d have thought it? April 8, 2012

Filed under: Blessing Blog 2012 — Claire @ 10:31 pm
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“Each decision will get you where you need to be; but each choice will render a unique experience on the way.”

That was the sentence I read in my Mum’s horoscope yesterday – she’s a Gemini and not a typical one; but we always read the star signs in newspapers and magazines, in fact it’s one of the first things I turn to! I know all the “mass-produced, general, relevant to everyone” comments; but I often find they say what I need to hear at the time, or I read what I want into them. Either way I end up feeling uplifted. I’ve never read one that I liked as much as this though. I love the sentiment and it ties in with my belief that everything happens for a reason and that there are so many things that are just meant to be. When you’re going through hard times and bad things, you can’t see it, feel it or believe it; but when you’re on the other side and life is so much better, you understand that it was necessary, that you got to where you were always meant to go and are doing exactly what you’re meant to be doing. Every horrible thing in my life has led to so many better and more amazing things. I wouldn’t want to live through them again; but I wouldn’t trade the good things to take away the bad.

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Blessing 93 – Meditation magic, listening to your intuition. April 2, 2012

I love meditating,  it’s something I first started when I was fifteen during my GCSEs. My whole family learnt Transcendental Meditation; but I really began to enjoy and appreciate it once I started having reiki. My reiki healer used to do guided meditations with me. She would get me to relax with my eyes closed and then describe me going somewhere. My very first meditation was swimming with dolphins, because I had dolphins on my duvet cover. I still remember how incredibly freeing it was. I wasn’t actually going anywhere; but I felt like I could do anything I wanted: swim, walk, run. My body had no limits and I loved that feeling. It was very different from how I felt the rest of the time, barely able to move, unable to walk and in a lot of pain.

Meditation, like anything, is a skill you have to practise. You have to keep doing it; but  with guided meditation it can be a lot of fun. I’ve done all sorts of things during my meditations: climbed mountains, soared through the sky, sat in temples, strolled through forests, even flown through space, among the stars.

I know there is debate about where you “go” during meditation, if you’re connecting with some higher power, meeting guides or if it’s just your ‘imagination. I don’t claim to be an expert, the scientist in me says that it’s just my imagination; but all I do know is that I have had some major emotional break throughs while I’ve been meditating. Realisations about situations and people, that I can’t imagine having during my normal daily life. I think the benefit of meditation is that it strips away the clutter of thoughts and stimulation that we receive every second of the day. It makes space to allow your intuition to speak to you and if you’re open and willing to listen, it can be the greatest guide and teacher you have.

I like using audio CD meditations because they provide a focus, a voice to keep me on track and it stops my mind from wandering, which it has a tendency to do. I love the sense of calm that descends when you really relax and you lose track of time and place.  I think it takes a certain willingness to go with the flow and let things happen; but it’s also a bit like watching a movie, you don’t know what’s going to happen, you just enjoy the show. The best part of a meditation is that you are the star!

If you’ve never meditated before I’d really recommend giving it a go. There are sites where you can get free downloads as well as some on iTunes. Or check out your local library for some great CDs. I’m not saying it will change your life; but you might be surprised just how much you get out of sitting still with your eyes shut!

 

Blessing 86 – Creative Community March 26, 2012

I’ve just joined a group on Facebook for people with chronic illnesses who enjoy creative activities, like arts and crafts, cake making/decorating, photography and writing.  A friend set it up and I wasn’t sure what to expect; but it’s really cool. Everybody is sharing things that they have made and done and it’s inspiring to see what incredible things people can create despite being really ill.

I always feel in awe of people who can make things, especially artistic/graphic design people. I can take things and put them together, like patchwork or even scrapbooking; but people who can start with a blank canvas (real or digital) and then turn it into a piece of art is amazing! I guess writing is the literary version of that and I would rather be a writer than an artist; but it would be lovely to be both!

I’m enjoying doing my quilt, which is nearly finished and of course all the writing I’m doing at the moment. It feels so good to be back into writing properly, not just the virtual holiday; but I’m working on a novel and planning my script too – no writing until Script Frenzy in April though.

I’m looking forward to getting more inspiration from the group and the chance to share some of my own work with them.

 

Blessing 75 – My lovely, comfortable bed. March 15, 2012

I’m running short of ideas/blessings tonight and I’m going to get an early night – well at least for me. I’m off to snuggle up with The Great Gatsby, this month’s book club book.Current opinion is that the charracters are unlikeable and conceited; but with some beautiful imagery.

I love my bed, which is a good thing considering how much time I have and do spend in it. Mum bought the mattress from John Lewis without trying it, so it was a bit of a gamble. In the past we have gone round bed stores lying on all the mattresses to see how they feel. It can be highly embarrassing; but I can’t believe just how much they vary! I like a medium mattress, Goldilocks style, not too hard and not too soft, just right.

I’ve also got this amazing M&S duvet which has been keeping me really warm, I used to have to have two duets, four blankets and a sleeping bag! My new duvet has meant I only needed it and one blanket, that is until recently when I’ve had to get out the extra blankets and sleeping bag – I can’t believe March has been colder than December! At least that’s how it’s felt.

I love that moment when you get in to bed and it’s cold outside and you just pull the covers up round you and snuggle up. You can feel your body sink into the mattress, feel the way it supports you in all the right places and your muscles can just relax into it, letting all the stresses and strains ease away.

I think I like my bed more now that I can get up out of it, it definitely wasn’t my favourite thing when I was in it permanently; but I have always appreciated how comfortable it is. It just takes a night in a hotel bed to make me truly appreciate how fabulous mine is!

 

Blessing 73 – I am enough. March 13, 2012

I’ve been skirting round this issue for the past week, an inner struggle with where I am, how well I am and how I identify myself. I’ve got lost in the storm inside my head and it hasn’t been a comfortable or pleasant place to be.  Today I had a break through, one that I didn’t see coming at all. I’ve been hearing people say that you have to appreciate what you have and I struggle with that. I know I have so much; but I want more, mainly health and energy which will allow me to do more of what I want. Someone said that I was perfect as I am, right now, in this moment. I couldn’t hear that, all I could see was my flawed and broken body. I wasn’t good enough for me, how could I be for anyone else? None of my achievements seemed to matter because I wasn’t well – that sounds stupid now; but I really did feel like that. Everything I did I overlooked because it would only be good enough when I was healthy.

Today I sat and I tuned in to me, to the part of me that is still and calm, strong and powerful. It started as a small sense which just grew and grew, expanding out and away, breaking through the layers of tiredness and fear. I got a really clear sense of my body, as if I was feeling it, all of it, for the very first time. I heard this inner voice that said simply I am complete. I am enough. It was the most calm and tranquil moment I think I’ve ever had and most importantly it felt true.

I’ve tried affirmations, telling myself that I’m strong or perfect or good enough; but they all felt false and hollow. This felt true and it came from within, deep in my soul, not formed by my brain and I felt it and recognised it. All the struggle, the stress and strain fell away.

I am enough, right here, right now. With my health as it is, with my energy, my achievements, my possessions, my life, none of those things truly matter or affect who I am. Achieving more, doing more, being more, getting better, it won’t change who I am. Right now and always I am enough. Enough for me which means I’m enough for everyone else. The knowledge is freeing and uplifting.

I am enough. So are you.

 

Blessing 72 – Being normal for a change March 12, 2012

Sorry if you got this post too soon – WordPress sometimes flips out on me.

Where was I… Oh right – tonight I got to sit in a pub, relax and chat with other people and generally have fun. It is the strangest sensation at times doing something which is so completely normal, because it has been impossible for so many years. At first I was too ill to go and then I never had anybody to go with. Now I’ve discovered NIN (my networking group) and they are a fantastic bunch of lovely people who not only understand what I’m doing with Holidays From Home; but are very quickly becoming good friends. I love the fact that I get to go out and be me, not ME, it’s an escape and it’s wonderful.

It can be so incredibly isolating being at home, you wonder how you’re going to meet like-minded people. Don’t get me wrong, I have brilliant friends; but when you all have ME, it makes seeing each other a bit hit and miss, so there are times when I’ve wanted more people in my life, more connections, just generally more. Tonight I realised that I’m getting what I wanted and I feel really, truly grateful!

 

Blessing 71 – The whole of me March 11, 2012

As an extension of my thoughts yesterday, I’ve been thinking about who I am and what makes me up, the things I like and love, what motivates and inspires me. I’ve been trying to separate out who I am from my illness, so that if I stay at this level of health, who am I and what can I appreciate. It’s interesting as there are a lot of things I love to do and that I am able to do right now.

In fact almost everything I want is already in my life, the things I long for are extensions of that, like going out with friends more, or being able to do more for Holidays From Home. It’s quite enlightening and is making me realise that I may not have it all; but I do have a lot and although the ME affects the way I have to do things, it doesn’t change what I like and enjoy. Take the ME away and I’d be able to do more; but l wouldn’t be different as a person and my wants and desires wouldn’t be that different either.

I hadn’t realised that so much of my identity was wrapped up with being ill and that I felt like parts of me and who I am were on hold until I got better. That’s just not true and it’s time to let that belief go because it doesn’t help me.