Over the past few weeks I’ve been thinking about what it is I want from life, there are so many things I would love to do; but I don’t want to do them while still ill. I’m sick of compromising and having to fit things round my health/illness. Everything I do has to be measured, calculated and planned down to the smallest detail. That is incredibly frustrating.
There are lots of things on my wish list – like travel, getting married, having a family; but I don’t want to do them with ME, because the level of enjoyment you get is reduced. There’s always something you’re having to ignore, pain, tiredness, feeling like you’re missing out, the sense that you have to compromise when other people don’t. I’m putting off so many things, waiting until I’m better; but I realised that I need to put in a bit more effort to achieve the results I want, i.e. good health and lots of energy.
I am doing a lot of the right things, eating well, drinking lots of water and pacing myself; but I know that I could be doing more, more meditation, better quality resting, yoga breathing etc. I know that all those things are good for general health, even if they won’t cure me; but I think it’s about time that I put in the effort. I’ve been sitting back waiting for my recovery to happen; but maybe I need to commit a bit more of my time and energy to my health.
In the past I’ve been disappointed, alternative therapies haven’t helped, I’ve gone through the promise of recovery and the disappointment when it doesn’t happen. It’s easier to just forget about getting better. It doesn’t happen so you accept that it won’t happen for a while and then you don’t improve so it proves you right.
However I wouldn’t expect to learn a new skill without putting in time and effort, so maybe I can’t expect to get better without committing to doing all I can to give myself the best chance of good health. I know it will take work and results aren’t guaranteed; but there’s so much I want out of life, that I need to do something to hope it happens.