At the beginning of the year I had two amazing meditations which gave me insights into how hard I’ve been finding life. Everything has felt like a challenge, a struggle and I’ve not been enjoying things that I really should be. As the webinar I listened to recently described it “I’ve been living in fear and scarcity”. I know it sounds like psycho babble; but it made a lot of sense. I feel like my whole life I’ve been running from or running to something (even when I was bed bound and couldn’t move, maybe especially when I couldn’t move.) I have never let myself be in the moment, in this current moment in time, there are always too many regrets or fears crowding in and I’ve tried to do all I can to escape them; but that’s exhausting and futile.
I realised that if I stay in the moment, in this very space and time, that life gets a lot simpler, a lot easier and is no longer scary or overwhelming. I can handle what’s happening right now, it’s the only thing I can do anything about, everything else has to take care of itself. I feel like I can breathe, maybe for the first time.
That’s not to say it’s easy, I feel like if I remember and focus once a day on the moment then I’m doing well, I’ve got a lifetime of bad habits to break.
Today I heard this piece and it was as if it was speaking directly to me. I’m not really religious; but I wanted to share it. I think “My Lord” can be anything or anyone that you want or need it to be. I hope it brings you the sense of peace it brought me.
I was regretting the past
and fearing the future.
Suddenly, my Lord was speaking:
“My name is I AM”
He paused.
I waited.
He continued:
“When you live in the past,
with its mistakes and regrets,
it is hard.
I am not there.
My name is not – I WAS.
When you live in the future,
with its problems and fears,
it is hard.
I am not there.
My name is not – I WILL BE.
When you live in this moment,
It is not hard.
I am here.
My name is I AM.”
Helen Mallicoat
